Happy 80th birthday, Dementia Joe Biden.

It’s been said — not often, but sometimes — that 80 is the new 60. But for the nation’s oldest (by far) president, 80 is the new 150. Biden is 80 going on… take away the car keys and lock him up in the memory-wing of the local assisted living facility.

Let’s consider Biden’s recent comments. As always, all dialogue guaranteed verbatim.

One of Dementia Joe’s perennial targets is big business, or as he put it, the “55 largest, of the 55, 55 of the largest corporations.”

And what exactly did they do, Brandon?

“Those same companies spent 20 billion dollars buying back their own stock and most importantly buying back a buy back the most significant buy back in the last almost a decade.”

May we quote you on that, Mr. President?

On every subject, confusion abounds, and it’s only getting worse.

On the campaign trail, he forgot the name of the governor of New Mexico. (She does have three names). He lauded Oregon Sen. Ron Wyden, then seconds later couldn’t recall his name and instead described Wyden as “that other guy that I just talked about.”

He talked about his visit to Florida in the aftermath of “Hurricane Ivan.”

He wished a speedy recovery to Nancy Pelosi’s husband “Bobby.” (His name is Paul.)

At age 80, Biden is unable to read the simplest words off the Teleprompter. The word “ban” comes out as “blan.” He tries to urge people to vote, but instead says “veto.” Inflation is rendered as “implation.” The Obergefell decision by the Supreme Court (gay marriage) comes out as “Ogilfry.”

He called Intel “Inkel,” and recalled meeting with “the Chee-E-O.”

Likewise, he recounted a sit-down with the chairman of GM, “Amy Barrett.” No, Mr. President, that’s the Supreme Court justice. You met with Mary Barra, but at least whatever-her-name-is had some good news for the American people and their motor vehicles.

“We’re gonna go all electric by 3035.”

Not 2035, but 3035.

And when 3035 arrives, this is how the George Jetson vehicles are going to be powered — “electric charging stations all across America the power to fleet to to take care of the fleets of new electric vehicles… 50, excuse me, 500,000 charging stations around the country.”

You may not have realized this, but the U.S. had Medicare as far back as the Warren G. Harding administration.

“Look, in 1922 the price for one blood-pressure drug that millions of Medicare patients beneficiaries rely on went up one went up by 500 percent 500 percent.”

Many are worried about the economy, but Dementia Joe says it’s not a problem, because once “the Inflation Act” kicks in, there will be tax credits for, among other things, “a new coffee machine.”

A recession in the cards? Not likely, says the man whose campaign pocketed $5 million from crypto-scammer Sam Bankman-Fried.

“It hasn’t been there has there is no there’s no guarantee that they’re gonna be a recession I don’t think there will be a recession if this is it’ll be a very slight recession that is we’ll move down slightly.”

Then there’s geography. He confused Colombia with Cambodia, North Korea with China. He called the war in Ukraine the war in Iraq. In his befuddled mental state, he mixed up the battle of Kherson this year with the battle of Fallujah, in 2004.

Likewise, numbers are not Brandon’s forte.

“Well guess what we have American and non-American businesses investing literally several trillion billion I mean billion hundreds of billions of dollars.”

Speak more slowly, Mr. President, we can’t quite catch those figures. Can you repeat that?

“This year alone one trillion 400 dollar reduction 400 hundred billion dollars.”

How much money are we talking about here, Brandon? Take three, lights, camera, action.

“It’s gonna bring a billion seven a trillion 700 million dollars billion dollars off the sidelines in investment.”

Then there are the flat-out lies. His son died in Iraq. (Actually at Walter Reed). He has “literally” cut the national debt in half “by $1.4 trillion.” (The debt is $31 trillion, and skyrocketing.)

In college, he gave up a “starting job” on the football team. A gallon of gasoline was $5 when he was installed as president. (In reality, $2.39.) The $7-a-gallon price of gasoline in Los Angeles “has always been the case here.”

Blades become “blaze,” budget “buzz-it.” He drops letters in acronyms, fretting about military returning to the States with “PSD.” He denounces the waste and fraud of “PP” loans.

He told his non-working-class constituents to vote on “Nov. 9th.” (Too bad more of them didn’t get the message.)

A few more of Dementia Joe’s Greatest Hits, November edition:

“Make it clear that this election is a referendum it’s not a referendum I should say it’s a choice.”

“We have differences of agreement on.”

“Let me just plain as I let me be as plain as I can.”

“Every other nation that I’m aware of is aware of it.”

“If you get any questionable calls please tell us by going to report fraud report fraud d-o-t ftc dot gov.”

“Biden’s being a-popa, a-poca, a-, a-pop, a-copa, whew, Biden’s being extremist.”

“Back at the turn of the 20th century in the late 1900’s nineteen I mean excuse me 1890 in that range….”

“Well if anybody thinks we’re doing it for the first time now in the 20th century 21st century going into the 20 out from the 20th century going into the second quarter of the 21st century that we’d say 12 years is enough.”

“Get the shot, 5, 10, 20 dollars off the your drug store grocery purchase net or grocery purchase next time at the same time you get the shot.”

“My team at the White House posted a visio.”

“The biggest one-year jop in American history.”

“You can look it up. As my used to say you can google it.”

Happy birthday, Brandon. Many happy returns. Just not at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.